Living With Your Boyfriend (After Marriage)

by Becca DeMarais

A month before my wedding, I got a haircut at a salon. My stylist and I got to talking and she asked me about my life.

Meg Miller Photography

Meg Miller Photography

“I’m engaged,” I told her.

“Oooh! Exciting! So do you guys live together now?” she asked.

“Nope."

She stopped mid cut and looked at me in the mirror, confused. “Oh. That’s interesting.” It was like I had just told her my soon-to-be husband was actually a whale.

I understand her reaction. It’s common for dating couples to move in together to test the waters, see if there are any “deal breakers” and whether or not they are compatible.

It’s been two months since our wedding day, two months of living with the man of my dreams. Do I regret not moving in together earlier? Not one bit. Here’s why:

1. We Had Time to Prepare

Before and during our time of dating, I lived with a handful of women and my husband lived with a bunch of guys. With the help of our roommates, we grew into the type of people we wanted to marry. I learned how to cook (kinda), to love and serve others better, and to be comfortable as a single person.

Most importantly, I developed a prayer life and deepened my personal relationship with God. While living separately, Peter and I rooted ourselves in the Lord, so that by the time we got married, we could fully commit to each other while keeping God at the center of it all.

2. Marriage is a BIG Deal

So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
— Matthew 19:6

Being married is more than a name change and a piece of paper titled “marriage license.” At our wedding ceremony, we gave our whole selves to each other in front of God and a church packed full of witnesses. In return, God bound us together. Wow. I am now forever joined to this man, my husband. So it makes sense to live together now that we’re married. If we had lived together beforehand, we would be cheapening the value of this marriage commitment.

3. We get to Fully Appreciate the Gifts of Marriage

By “gifts” I don’t mean the wrapped gifts we opened a week after our wedding, although we do really appreciate those. I’m talking about sex. Sex and living together are the precious gifts meant to be opened when you’re married. And while some think it’s necessary to “see if you are sexually compatible,” I think that’s such a weird test. According to my 8th grade anatomy class, yes, yes we are.

4. We Become More than Roommates

Meg Miller Photography

Meg Miller Photography

Our whole dating relationship led us to this pinnacle day when we started a life together. Now, I live with a man... and everything that comes with him. But it’s not like any other roommate I’ve ever lived with. I didn’t test out my husband like a possible future roommate. You might make or break your chances at being someone’s roommate if you never do your dishes or snore impossibly loud, but marriage says “no matter what…”

My husband and I are committed to loving each other, serving one another, and helping the other get to heaven. I wouldn't call him another roommate; he's my spouse. 

What I really want to say is being married is incredible! Choosing not to move in together before tying the knot resulted in a strong, healthy beginning to our married life. Take time now to prepare yourself. Be rooted in the Lord. Surround yourself by supportive friends. And when the time comes, being more than roommates will be totally worth it.