The second semester of my senior year, the Lord placed a strong call on my heart to serve on mission after graduation. I began to look more seriously at serving with St. Paul’s Outreach and also began to look into other mission opportunities that focused on service in areas I was passionate about. I ended up applying to SPO as well as one other missionary organization.
As I wrestled with which organization I wanted to serve with the upcoming year, I was met with fears about serving with SPO ranging from my ability to be effective as a missionary to fundraising my salary to the reality that I would be challenged and called on by the intentional lifestyle I would be committing to. I let these doubts take precedence in my discernment over the deep growth in my relationship with God, joy in living in community, and freedom in my identity as a daughter of God that I had experienced through my involvement with SPO. Filled with confusion and convinced that SPO was a season of my life reserved for my college years, I initially decided to turn down an opportunity to serve with SPO.
Shortly after declining, the Lord very obviously closed the door with the other organization that I had applied to. I was crushed and frustrated with God and with myself. I had doubts that I had discerned the situation properly and that the Lord was calling me to mission at all. I eventually convinced myself that being on mission full-time was not possible this upcoming year. Thankfully, we have a merciful God who grants second chances.
One week before graduation, someone at SPO reached out to me and asked if I would reconsider mission with SPO. When I said yes to this invitation to reenter the discernment process, I had fully intended on calling them back and declining the offer once again. However, when I took the possibility to prayer, the Lord began to remind me of the powerful ways he had moved in my life and the lives of many others at Arizona State through the work of SPO. He once again convicted my heart of the great need that exists for His love and His truth on college campuses and of the great privilege that it is to serve alongside him as He transforms the hearts of His children. Whereas the first time around, the decision-making process had been fraught with anxiety and uncertainty, this time I was filled with surety and peace as I consider serving with SPO.
I called back and accepted the position as a full-time SPO missionary and immediately felt a joy and an excitement for the future that had been absent from my entire discernment process. I couldn’t wait to share my decision with my family and friends. My path to mission is a testament to the fact that the Lord does not let us miss out on the plan He has for our life. He is unmatched in faithfulness and fulfilled my heart’s desire for mission in a way that I never imagined. While it was unconventional and tumultuous at times, I am grateful for the ways in which the Lord orchestrated my discernment process to draw me closer to Him and invite me into deeper trust of His plan, which I have found is always better than mine.