The second semester of my senior year, the Lord placed a strong call on my heart to serve on mission after graduation. I began to look more seriously at serving with St. Paul’s Outreach and also began to look into other mission opportunities that focused on service in areas I was passionate about. I ended up applying to SPO as well as one other missionary organization.
As I wrestled with which organization I wanted to serve with the upcoming year, I was met with fears about serving with SPO ranging from my ability to be effective as a missionary to fundraising my salary to the reality that I would be challenged and called on by the intentional lifestyle I would be committing to. I let these doubts take precedence in my discernment over the deep growth in my relationship with God, joy in living in community, and freedom in my identity as a daughter of God that I had experienced through my involvement with SPO. Filled with confusion and convinced that SPO was a season of my life reserved for my college years, I initially decided to turn down an opportunity to serve with SPO.
Shortly after declining, the Lord very obviously closed the door with the other organization that I had applied to. I was crushed and frustrated with God and with myself. I had doubts that I had discerned the situation properly and that the Lord was calling me to mission at all. I eventually convinced myself that being on mission full-time was not possible this upcoming year. Thankfully, we have a merciful God who grants second chances.
One week before graduation, someone at SPO reached out to me and asked if I would reconsider mission with SPO. When I said yes to this invitation to reenter the discernment process, I had fully intended on calling them back and declining the offer once again. However, when I took the possibility to prayer, the Lord began to remind me of the powerful ways he had moved in my life and the lives of many others at Arizona State through the work of SPO. He once again convicted my heart of the great need that exists for His love and His truth on college campuses and of the great privilege that it is to serve alongside him as He transforms the hearts of His children. Whereas the first time around, the decision-making process had been fraught with anxiety and uncertainty, this time I was filled with surety and peace as I consider serving with SPO.
I called back and accepted the position as a full-time SPO missionary and immediately felt a joy and an excitement for the future that had been absent from my entire discernment process. I couldn’t wait to share my decision with my family and friends. My path to mission is a testament to the fact that the Lord does not let us miss out on the plan He has for our life. He is unmatched in faithfulness and fulfilled my heart’s desire for mission in a way that I never imagined. While it was unconventional and tumultuous at times, I am grateful for the ways in which the Lord orchestrated my discernment process to draw me closer to Him and invite me into deeper trust of His plan, which I have found is always better than mine.
When I chose to be a missionary with SPO I had no idea what good things God had in store for me. Where others had spent years getting to know the community, I only learned what SPO was about within my last few months of college. However, what I saw was enough to convince me that these were the people I had been looking for, and God was calling me to join them. It was a radical change of my plans, for sure, but I couldn’t be happier with where God has placed me. While many people who choose missionary work feel called, I think many are also seeking something themselves. That was sure as heck the case for me. The last thing I wanted was to get sucked into a career, where I looked back and asked:
"What could I have done?”
I decided losing time drifting through life without purpose or direction would be a waste of the gifts I’d been given. In short, I wanted time to learn what my gifts are and ask how God wants to use them; but don’t get me wrong, more than anything, I’m here to serve. I’ve thrown myself into businesses, education, art, among other things… and the product always left me wanting. To be honest, I think it’s because those efforts were always for myself, and so ultimately I knew they would die with me. But what’s different about SPO is that not only do we get to walk with students towards the Lord, but truly, we get to turn people towards Him. And the product of their yes's toward God will yield fruit I will never live to witness or comprehend.
I initially applied to be an SPO Missionary as simply a way to open the door for the Lord in my plans. I knew He was calling me, as He calls each of us, to be a missionary disciple — I just didn’t know yet in what way. There were a great number of fears floating through my mind throughout discernment. I actually wrote them out. "Reasons not to be a missionary: Delaying graduate schools, fundraising my salary, fear of not being understood by my family and friends..." The list continued. Yet through the many reasons and excuses I made, I was brought to the wonderfully overwhelming reason to say yes.
"Reason to be on mission: to make my entire life a gift to God."
I knew I already desired to do good and selfless things through my career. But what I found was that despite how much I desired to make a difference in the world, that I alone could not save it. Instead, I found that the Lord could do infinitely more with my surrender and my "yes" than I could ever do alone. I knew that giving my yes to God and to SPO would change everything- but wow am I so glad that I did.
Originally, I was considering becoming a missionary for all the wrong reasons. I was going to serve because of what others would think. I thought because of the fact that I lived in Household for four years, it would all be a waste if I didn’t become a missionary. Once I realized I was looking at serving for the wrong reasons, I began to look at the right ones. I started to pray about it more seriously, and the Lord began to open doors for me. The more I asked the Lord, the more he shifted where my heart was at and, the corporate life became less and less appealing to me.
After a year of online classes and seeing my peers’ lives, my heart was burning to be on mission no matter where I went and what I gave up. I was originally going to get a job, so I was hesitant about doing the whole missionary thing. After a while of being hesitant and going back and forth, I decided to send it and place everything in the Lord’s hand, and the Lord has totally blessed it in every aspect.